A Christmas wish: Please stop making ‘festive flavoured’

Christmas is just around the corner, or so brands would have you believe. The turkey-flavoured crisps and snowflake-shaped chocolates seem to creep onto supermarket shelves earlier every year.

I love Christmas as much as the next person. I’ll go all out for Christmas markets, decorating the tree, ice skating and secret Santa. I’ll buy the Baileys and make mince pies and won’t settle for anything less than all the trimmings on Christmas Day. I love that everything smells of cinnamon and fir pines and am partial to a glass of mulled wine. I cannot, however, stand the obsession with giving every food a “festive twist”.

This Christmas-ification of anything the marketers can get their hands on has sadly already begun. Greggs will be offering their “festive bake” again this year with a new vegan option; puff pastry filled with “Quorn mycoprotein pieces, sage and onion stuffing, a vegan bacon crumb and sage & cranberry sauce”.

Even the East Asian-inspired fast-food chain Itsu will be selling a festive variation of their best-selling frozen gyozas. The Japanese dumplings will be stuffed with bacon, turkey, cranberry and sage. Sacrilege to both British and Japanese cuisines. 

Never one to miss a marketing opportunity, Dominos is rolling out a festive pizza this year too. You can try “the festive one” for just £19.99 with toppings of turkey breast marinated in sage and onion, traditional Cumberland sausage and bacon. If you’re still hungry, the new after-eight fondant centre cookies are Dominos’ answer to Christmas pudding. 

For many people, the annual John Lewis advert is more of a seasonal event than carolling, so I’m under no illusion that Christmas crossed the line from religious to commercial a long time ago. But not everything we consume in the month of December needs to be festive-themed. Even M&S’ Colin the Caterpillar hasn’t escaped it, becoming “Elf Colin The Caterpillar” with an elf’s hat, some peppermint sticks and edible presents stuck on his back. Poor thing. 

Unless you pulled a Carrie Johnson and had secret guests over in 2020, there are two Christmases in one to celebrate this year, so I understand the pressure is on. But we are at risk of too much of a good thing; a YouGov poll last year revealed that only half of the population eats turkey on Christmas Day, and yet, on the high street, every sandwich and soup is turkey flavoured the minute the weather turns cold. After months of turkey and stuffing bites and pigs in blanket flavoured crisps, is there anything left to enjoy on the big day?

According to American Express, the average cost of Christmas was £645 last year, with £100 going to food on Christmas Day alone. Save yourself some pennies and resist the festive marketing spiel, if you want a mince pie, have a mince pie but don’t reach for the mince pie flavoured tea. At the risk of sounding Grinchy, something in the shape of a “reindeer”, “snowflake” or “Santa hat”, won’t taste any better and definitely isn’t worth the inflated price. Give into the Christmas spirit but resist the Christmas-themed spirits (gingerbread flavoured gin is never a good idea).