Well, the inevitable happened. Cocaine Bear walked away from this week’s Oscars without a single statue in its big lethal paw. Not to overstate matters: it was the biggest injustice since Rocky beat All the President’s Men, Network, and Taxi Driver to Best Picture in 1977.

I know everybody (everywhere) wants to talk about Everything Everywhere All At Once (aka Always Be Nice To Your Mum) but it didn’t do half the things that Cocaine Bear did this year.

“Really?” you ask. “But surely, David, you jest?”