If the standard of debate in this election was entirely sane, “Have you ever used a mop before?” would not be the question of the day. But it is, thanks to the BBC, who grilled Boris Johnson on breakfast television Friday so that we can judge whether he is “relatable” or not.
Personally, I can think of plenty of people who’ve never used a mop and some of them are so relatable I’m actually related to them. But the personal is now political, so we must know: does the ability to wield a mop in a practiced manner make you popular?
Does this – hitherto unexamined matter – account for previous election results? After all, now one comes to think about it, aren’t Leave voters far more likely to be au fait with mops and buckets (also brooms and spades) than Remain voters whose cleaners handle such things?
Is mopping really the secret, magic factor? Was it why Thatcher kept wiping the floor with Kinnock? And if so why the hell isn’t Naga Munchetty, the breakfast TV presenter who asked Johnson if he is “relatable”, scrutinising Corbyn on this crucial matter?
Boris Johnson is in hot water for making tea. Footage emerged this week of him pouring milk in a mug before he took his teabag out – sparking mass outrage for it shows how out of touch he is, apparently – in a way no one who’s not on Twitter will ever understand.
In the US, you can understand why politicians and tea bags would cause a storm far bigger than a teacup. After all, America – as an independent nation – was founded after an argument about tea.
Over here the fuss is riddled with class prejudice. Some Britons say you’re supposed to put the milk in first, others that you put the milk in after – but leaving the tea bag in demonstrates the PM’s a psychopath, supposedly.