Fears of shortages in the UK’s supply of industrial-grade dimwittery continued apace on Wednesday despite the nation’s largest suppliers assuring the public that stockpiles of hoof-to-brain thinking were still high.

“Don’t panic!” a government spokesperson might have screamed while sweating profusely, before expressing hopes that a plan to press ahead with Universal Credit cuts would reassure the public that the government has plentiful reserves of painfully bad ideas.