Media

Exclusive: George Osborne’s first newslist for the Evening Standard revealed

BY Iain Martin | iainmartin1   /  17 March 2017

A source close to George Osborne has handed me his secret plans for the Evening Standard, now that he has been unveiled as editor. It’s a newslist, bit sketchy, nice mix of subjects, with some of the scoops he is bringing to his latest part-time job. And instructions on layout

From: George (in BA first class lounge at Heathrow Terminal 5)

To: Standard editorial staff (beginning latest 17 hour shift)

New Moscow Evening Standard masthead – can we do this in Russian‎?

Page 1 main puff – Multi-tasking: Do you have too many jobs?‎ (use picture of handsome mid-40s man boarding BA flight.)

Blurb: Inside – free extra large wallet for every reader* (terms and ‎conditions apply, offer restricted to Blackrock employees and contractors.)

Page 1 Poll reveals ‎UK crying out for leadership. A shock poll conducted exclusively for the Evening Standard in the Kremlin, Blackrock HQ and George Osborne’s house, has revealed that Britain is desperate for a new Prime Minister. Ideally, the person would be a former Chancellor and part-time editor of a free London evening newspaper. “It’s what Britain needs. Someone called George to take us back into the EU,” said Frances, from West London.

Page 2 – Trump declares war on Iran. Nuclear strike on Tehran. Four million dead.

Weather: cloudy over Brexit‎, brightening up in the 2020s when Britain re-enters the EU and everyone apologises to George Osborne.

Page 3 – some pictures of rich people in restaurants that readers haven’t heard of.

Page 4 – Wallpaper and where to buy it. In-depth look at the world’s leading wallpaper specialists for people with too much money.

Page 5 – Full page ad. Osborne and Little – new wallpaper range.

Page 6 – Something terrible happening in Lewisham.

P‎age 7 – some pictures of rich people readers have never heard of attending the launch of a new Russian vodka-flavoured aftershave at the V&A Musuem.

Page 8 – Top editorial: Country wants leadership. May considers standing aside. Obsorne will take on premiership part-time when persuaded by Queen, and depending on the salary. We support this.

Short editorial: Where would we be without wallpaper?

Page 9 – Britain’s greatest Chancellors. Vote in our exclusive poll. Press one for “the chap before Philip Hammond‎” and 2 for “George Osborne.”

Page 10 – ‎Still can’t stop accepting jobs? The latest trend to hit high-achieving West London men. Picture of man in BA first class.

Page 11 – Relaunched Londoner’s diary.

Lead: Is Mrs May looking tired? Does she need a rest? (picture of Mrs May looking tired.‎)

Second story: Is Philip May looking tired?

Third story: Frances Osborne book launch party.

Fourth story: Blackrock social action project in Streatham unveiled. Great work guys!

Fifth story: Vladimir Putin to buy Leyton Orient FC, plus other assorted Russian deals of vague status.

Page 12 – City latest, sponsored by Blackrock, in association with Gazprom. Not much happening today in the City of London. No-one doing anything wrong. Move along, nothing to see here.

Page 13 – More City coverage. Everything fine.

Page 14 – Downpage may not be room for a short on potential puncturing of catastrophic asset bubble blown since 2010-2016 by cheap money and QE.

Page ‎15- Dear Dave. Read our exciting new advice columnist Dave Cameron from West London. Everyone is talking about him (check this).

Q: Dear Dave, I’ve been offered the part-time editorship of a London evening newspaper by a Russian chap. Should I accept?

A: No.

Q Dear Dave, my friends say I will but really… will I ever become Prime Minister”

A: Sorry, no.

Page 16 – ‎Fire in Whitechapel kills 57 pensioners.

Page 17 – Full page ad for Blackrock. Part of their “owning the world so you don’t have to” campaign. Great get this. They will pay for the next one!

Page 18 – Does my salary look big in this? Dark blue suits for every occasion.

Page 19 – Cheshire town reports confused MP “missing for eight months.”

After that… lots of sport. Is that right? Soccer?

See you next week!‎ G x