Could this be the strangest Ashes series ever?

No doubt about it. England has been playing Test cricket in Australia for almost a century and a half, but this must be the weirdest Ashes series ever. It was always going to be a strange one with five Tests squeezed into little more than a month, the first coming without the tourists having even one genuine preliminary match against a State side.

Now even their mock-up practice games against the England “A” side, dubbed the Lions, have been all but washed out. So none of the team has batted or bowled in a first-class match since September. Talk about rustiness. Time was – I mean in the good old days – when they had played most of the State sides, and usually a match against an “Australian XI” before venturing to Brisbane for the first Test.

Not, I confess, that this did them much good. Defeat in Brisbane was usual. Even Len Hutton’s Ashes-winning team in 1954-5 was hammered thereafter Len had injudiciously put Australia in to bat, and they clocked up 600 or so.

The forecast for Queensland is, apparently, for more heavy rain, more floods. In the past, the wicket there became all but unplayable when drying after rain. This did for England on the first two tours after the Second World War.

The match in 1950 was bizarre. England hadn’t beaten the Aussies since the Oval Test in 1938 – the one where Hutton made 364, then the record Test score. Not much was expected from the 1950-51 team.

So it was an agreeable surprise when Australia was bowled out on the first day for 228. Then, as they say, the heavens opened”. No further play was possible till after lunch on the third day. In the two sessions that followed 20 wickets fell. England declared at 68 for 7. Australia fared no better; they declared at 32 for 7.

England’s captain, Freddie Brown, shuffled the batting order, keeping back Hutton and Compton hoping the wicket might be better the next day. At close, England were 30 for 6, Surrey’s Arthur McIntyre being run out in the last over going- God alone knows why – for a fourth run.

The wicket was indeed better the next day, though still, one is told, beastly. Sadly Denis Compton was out for a duck. Hutton, batting sublimely, ran out of partners and was left 62 not out. England lost by 70 runs.

Well, that was a very long time ago. Now, with the new Covid variant, omicron, and with climate change held responsible for storms, droughts, bush fires, nobody can be sure the series will be completed.

The fifth Test is scheduled for Perth, but the West Australian government has been the most eager of all State governments to impose lock-downs. “Apud deos”, as the Romans used to mutter; it’s in the lap of the gods.

Meanwhile, the Australian media and probably the public too have been more interested and agitated by the “sexting scandal”, which has seen the previously respected captain Tim Paine ejected – even though the texts to his female colleague were sent four years back.

The cricketing authorities learned of them two years ago and thought them no big deal. One consequence is that the previously disgraced great batsman Steve Smith, dismissed as skipper and briefly suspended on account of the “sandpaper used on the ball” scandal in South Africa, has been resurrected as vice-captain, deputy to the fast bowler Pat Cummins.

Still, he won’t have England’s Barmy Army there to holler reminders of sandpaper and the tears he shed when he was sacked. Weather permitting, we may look forward to cricket and the First Test beginning on Wednesday.

Alastair Cook wrote of the importance of a good start to an Ashes series in Brisbane. Essentially, in his view, if England gets thumped there, they will find it very hard to recover. History, despite the example of Len Hutton’s fortunes in ’54-5, does seem to bear this out.

So what do we know? Australia has a very fine attack, but less than reliable batting. England’s batting is even less reliable. Only skipper Joe Root has a Test average over 40, and even he hasn’t made a Test century in two tours of Australia.

England has only one genuinely fast bowler, Mark Wood, and he is unlikely to play in all five Tests – if, of course, there are five. James Anderson and Stuart Broad are great bowlers, but their workload needs to be managed. So some think they should play turn and turn about.

If this is the policy, there’s a case for playing Broad in Brisbane principally because he has flummoxed Australia’s dangerous opener, David Warner, and then Anderson in the day-night Second Test in Adelaide.

Actually, I suspect that the key member of the England attack may be the tall Ollie Robinson; he is not the quickest, but he is accurate and gets a difficult bounce. As for England’s batting, well, there is Root and then there is Stokes. One feels that both need a couple of big hundreds if England is to have a chance.

England’s recent record in Tests is pretty dreadful, but Australia haven’t played a Test for almost a year, and then they lost a home series to a below-strength India.

So what we may have is two sides, both somewhat unsure of themselves and apt to collapse. Which might actually make for a lively series, full of ups and downs and changes of fortune. Lively cricket – so long as we have cricket being played at all.