Trump outdoes Roosevelt in Milwaukee

Thursday’s fireside chat from Donald J Trump gripped the Milwaukee Republican Convention. Franklin D Roosevelt, who pioneered the homely technique on 1930s radio, was outdone on Milwaukee’s stage. 

Unusually, Trump’s Thursday evening homily accepting his nomination was no rant. Those members of the audience still awake wept openly. Hard, Wall Street guys in sharp blue suits, white shirts, and tear-stained red ties.

As the 45^th President of the US soaked up the adulation of the balloon-festooned faithful, behind the scenes the Republican National Committee (RNC) was contentedly mulling the significant news their campaign had stretched several lengths ahead of Democrat opponents in the hotly contested donor race.

Scoop. Last month’s donation figures, when they reach the public domain, will be: Republicans $400m; Democrats $250m. Biden’s debate debacle has hit cash-raising even more than voter support. 

And that’s before taking into account Elon Musk’s recent $45m a month election pledge, which is directed towards Super PACs – political action committees – that (Ho! Ho!) support policy rather than candidates, a bizarre, dancing on the head of a pin, legalistic distinction.  

For the acceptance speech at the close of the Convention, Trump’s tone was all national unity and self-control. He opened with a vivid moment-by-moment account of last Saturday’s assassination attempt. It was a very personal message to his audience. Pins could be heard dropping.

The previous day the mood on the conference floor had felt febrile. When former apostates – such as Newt Gingrich and Nikki Haley – walked the walk to the lectern, there was a subterranean growl that threatened to develop into a hiss. But never did. Unlike 2016 when Ted Cruz was truly snaked. 

Having confessed past sins their penance was to say ten “Vote Trumps” and promise never to bad-mouth the boss again. So long as that firm purpose of amendment lasts until November, no-one will much care if they later lapse.

During the Convention, it came as a surprise that Barbie had been asked to play such a prominent role. She appeared in many guises. Barbie Kimberley Gilfoyle, fiancé of Donald Trump Junior and former Fox presenter, was the long-haired brunette version, in a red dress, featuring the ear-piercing screech option. Officials looked for the off switch, but thankfully the batteries seemed to run out.

Barbie Kellyanne Conway, long blond hair and blue dress (wrong colour) had been programmed with “facts”. Presumably not “alternative”. The former White House Senior Counsellor, from 2017-2020, tape-looped about the role of women in the Trump 16 administration. 

There were others, and they all shared that curious design fault common to Convention Barbies. The silently nodding head turning from side to side during pauses, accompanied by fixed grins and the baring of piano-key teeth, even when the convention floor stopped yahooing and resorted to talking amongst themselves.

The adoption of AI for the next generation of convention-speaker robots should cure the problem. 

Some presentations were truly moving. The appearance of the Gold Star families of U.S. service members killed in an August 2021 terrorist attack at Afghanistan’s Kabul airport, who openly blame President Joe Biden for their deaths – and not having the courage ever to speak their names – held the convention in thrall.

It followed a video showing the return of their coffins to the US with Biden distractedly consulting his watch as the honor guard stood to attention. Perhaps more an early sign of the problems plaguing him now than disrespect, but damning, nonetheless. 

A criticism levelled at J.D Vance, Trump’s vice-presidential choice, by some delegates was that he was “a sort of think tank guy”. No such aspersion could be cast on some of the other speakers commandeered to support the Presidential nominee. For instance, Hulk Hogan, former World Wrestling Champion fell short on detailed analytics. Just a “tank” sort of dude. 

On the concourse, I ear-wigged a tight-knit caucus of the National Federation of Republican Women (NFRW) in open revolt about the quality of Trump bling available in the merchandise store. 

“Where did you evah get that heart badge?”

“The Cleveland Clinic”.

“Not that one, stoopid! The one that says ‘I Trump’”.

“The 2016 Convention. There’s nothing to buy here. I wanted another sparkly Old Glory hat, but they were right out. The quality isn’t what it was when Trump was up against the wall. No Trumpy bears either.”

Consensus comes at a price.

Occasionally there were valiant attempts to simplify complex sex identity issues. Steve Daines, Senator for Montana wins the prize. “Back in Montana we know the difference between a bull and a cow”. Game set and match. 

And yes, we do “bonkers”. Some of the floor presentations strayed across the hysterics line. The hyper Detroit minister who screamed out to Jesus in thanks for the “millimetre miracle”. 

Tucker Carlson, the former Fox journalist who now runs his own website and gave Putin that free ride interview of two hours, had clearly been spending too long in isolation in his Maine country home. 

He ignored the teleprompter, giggled falsetto at the end of phrases – I’m told that’s a habit – and generally gave the impression that he has actually spoken to the aliens he believes pop in and out of Maine on vacation. I don’t know what the RNC thought he added to their case.

Great music from Kid Rock, the Detroit Rapper, Lee Greenwood whose God Bless the USA had them bubbling, and, throughout the Convention, a band, Sixwire – from Nashville – who covered every pop song with lyrics that matched the changing convention themes. 

Over coffee, a delegate who had dined at Mar-a-Lago while Trump and his wife Melania were sitting at a nearby table confided he was convinced Trump had created Sixwire’s playlist. “He had an iPad and kept changing the background music in the restaurant, turning up the volume of his favourites. He’s a control freak’.

And from here or in, expect the Trump volume to be turned up. His new-found humble persona, “There is no victory in winning for half of America”, and refusal to mention Joe Biden by name more than once will surely founder on the rocks of the coming electoral storm. Trump just can’t help being Trump.

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