Revealed: the A-Z guide to the Brexit Broadcasting Corporation

The super-bright Labour peer and pioneering education minister Andrew Adonis is running a relentless campaign against the Brexit Broadcasting Corporation, accusing it of displaying pro-Brexit bias. We have compiled a handy cut out and throw away A-Z  guide showing how to spot when you are being secretly manipulated into hating Brussels by the presenters on Gardeners’ Question Time.

A is for Andrew Adonis, obviously.

B is for Brexit, the core purpose of the BBC since it was founded in 1926 to keep Britain out of the European Union.

C is for Camberwick Green, a small but undeniably real town which voted for Brexit. Camberwick Green voters are currently being betrayed by the Brexidiots and liars now running Britain from their big red bus.

D is for Doonican, Val, knitwear obsessive and pioneer of the anti-European fervour that gripped light entertainment in the mid-1970s, clearing the way for Brexit forty years later. A key collaborator with Lulu and Little and Large, all secret joint authors of the Elders of Brexit codebook (see E is for Elders of Brexit.)

E is for the Elders of Brexit, a secret organisation so secret that even its members, working deep inside the BBC, do not know that they are members. Believed to have been founded by the Two Ronnies Christmas show production team following a disastrous celebratory lunch at the Garrick Club in 1977 involving a corked magnum of Chateau Palmer 1961.

F is for foreign. Notice how at every available opportunity the BBC covers news that is non-European. The message being transmitted is clear. We can reveal this is all coordinated by a secret organisation called the BBC’s “foreign news desk” reporting to another secret outfit called the BBC news desk. This has been going on for decades! But we are onto them.

G is for Gary Lineker, a pro-Brexit plant working deep under cover, pretending to be anti-Brexit but discrediting the cause by fronting ridiculous adverts on other channels.

H is for “hold on we can’t run that it will make Brexit look bad,” the key command given to all BBC presenters and journalists every single day through a secret communication network. No-one knows about this, until now.

I is for Ice, Ice, Baby the piloted, but mysteriously never commissioned pro-EU show that should have been presented by Mr Vanilla Ice. It was meant to combine graphics of global warming alongside explanations in a rap style of how European Union directives are good for the environment. Never commissioned. It all starts to make sense.

J is for Jeremy Clarkson, whose removal from the Brexit Broadcasting Corporation in March 2015 was the result of a secret plot by individuals at the heart of the light entertainment establishment, determined to banish Jeremy in anticipation of his brave refusal to vote for Brexit in the referendum that took place more than a year later.

K is Hong Kong Fuey, the so-called number one superguy.

L is for Location, Location, Location. All of the locations featured on this thinly disguised homes show are in Britain. (Cunningly, the anti-Brexit programme is on Channel 4, demonstrating the extent to which the Brexit Broadcasting Corporation exercises its influence right across the media landscape.)

M is for Radio One DJ and young persons pop guru Mike Reid, composer of the UKIP Calypso song which can be heard, if you listen very carefully, in the background as part of the theme music to the ten o’clock news… every single night. Shocking.

N is for Newsround, a BBC news programme that indoctrinates British children with a torrent of anti-Brussels propaganda. Management even removed Reg Turnbull, the Newsround Space Correspondent, because of his interest in the then nascent European Space Programme.

O is for the Onedin Line, the so-called shipping drama set in the late 19th century and featuring no reference – none – to the EU or the European Single Market.

P is for paper review, one of the most dangerous parts of the BBC’s rabidly pro-Brexit output, in which a range of so-called journalists (Iain Dale, Iain Martin, Ian Dunt, Ian Hislop, Janis Ian, all the ians) read out so-called stories from the so-called newspapers to put the so-called government and Brexit in the best possible light. Control is maintained by a series of pulleys and electrified warnings from the Number 10 lair of Communications Chief Robbie Gibb – ex-BBC Brexiteer.

Q is for Q… the absurd, surrealist television comedy show featuring leading Brexiteer Spike Milligan. It was secretly based on the minutes of Theresa May’s Cabinet Committees on Brexit.

R is for Ronnie Corbett, one of the most ruthless of the pro-Brexit operatives. For decades he posed as a genial golfer and purveyor of light-hearted stories. His mission was deadly serious, after being secretly assigned in 1978 by the Elders of Brexit on the orders of secret Prime Minister Peter Shore, grand wizard Percy Thrower from the Blue Peter Garden, and Shep the dog.

S is for Songs of Praise, one of the most dangerous programmes on the BBC, transmitting a relentless diet of anti-EU propaganda. Anti-Brexit campaigners and vicars working undercover on Songs of Praise, who are too frightened to speak out on air, are sending voters secret messages. The Lord is my Shephered is code for “we must at least stay in a customs union.”

T is for Terry Wogan, who almost certainly voted for Brexit. Wogan when alive used to write a column for The Sunday Telegraph in which every week he railed against EU integration. He still writes this column, under the pen-name Christopher Booker.

U is for university vice chancellors. Don’t get Lord Adonis started on university vice chancellors and their pay.

V is for vice chancellors… don’t get him started on vi…

W is for Wendy Craig, the actress from the 1970s. Craig was the secret inspiration for the secret polling devised by Cambridge Analytica to win the EU referendum. They flooded the brains of 17.4m voters, implanting vague thoughts of ennui – like in the series Butterflies – implying life inside the EU had become inherently unsatisfying or even pointless.

X is for X Factor, the hit BBC show watched mainly by Brexiteers.

Y is for Why Don’t You? The BBC’s longest-running and worst political show, presented by Charles Dickens, ewith Marc Bolan handling regional opt-outs.

Z is for Z Cars. Nee naw. Nee naw.