Scotland

The SNP are rubbish at everything, except messaging

BY Philip Patrick   /  23 October 2019

What is the most useful gadget or gizmo you possess?

I suppose most people would choose their personal computer, or their smartphone, or their smart watch, or perhaps even their virtual assistant (Alexa).

I myself would make a somewhat maverick choice – I would opt for the humble TV remote control, as it possesses one simple function for which I have been offering heartfelt thanks and praise to the Almighty recently: the mute button.

How so?

Because the mute button allows me to preserve what’s left of my sanity whenever Ian Blackford or Joanna Cherry rise to speak in the House of Commons.

Thankfully, neither of these Braveheart warriors are particularly nimble; they tend to rise slowly, to add to the drama, as if imaging the world at large is as flushed with the anticipated import of what they are about to say, as they are themselves. This usually gives me enough time to grab the control, aim it carefully, and ensure that I don’t need to hear a single solitary word. Indeed, the very act of silencing these two world-class windbags, who could win Olympic gold medals in the disciplines of pomposity, cant, and grievance nurturing, affords me a rare moment of undiluted bliss.

I’m clearly not alone, on Saturday night there was an operatic moment in the house when Ms Cherry was called on to speak, and, on cue, the government benches emptied at a rate usually only seen on football terraces when a third or fourth unanswered goal enters the home team’s net and the crowd, as one, decide that getting a head start on the long journey home is far preferable to staying for further punishment.

Basically, nobody wanted to hear anything she had to say.

And who can blame them? We have heard it all before:

…the people of Scotland must be heard…… voted to stay….outrage….dragged out against our will…..disgraceful Tory government….outrage…..austerity….cliff-edge……irresponsible….outrage….the people of Scotland……outrage…….etc

It has become almost unbearable.

And yet it would be wrong to see the fact that people are increasingly losing patience with the monotonous drone of the SNP’s Westminster contingent as a failure for the party.

It could, in fact, be exactly what they want.


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