A new breakaway party is set to sweep the country. It’s based on a core of disaffected Labour MPs and hoping to lure some grumpy Tories. There’s a gap between two moldering, established parties that needs to be filled. Hold the front page…

Back to the future. It’s March 1982 and Roy Jenkins rolls his SDP bandwagon into Glasgow Hillhead in the wake of Shirley Williams’ stunning victory in Tory Crosby the previous October. I should know what happened next. I was the Tory candidate crushed under the Jenkins bandwagon’s wheels, losing to “Woy the Boy” by 2,038 votes.