A new breakaway party is set to sweep the country. It’s based on a core of disaffected Labour MPs and hoping to lure some grumpy Tories. There’s a gap between two moldering, established parties that needs to be filled. Hold the front page…

Back to the future. It’s March 1982 and Roy Jenkins rolls his SDP bandwagon into Glasgow Hillhead in the wake of Shirley Williams’ stunning victory in Tory Crosby the previous October. I should know what happened next. I was the Tory candidate crushed under the Jenkins bandwagon’s wheels, losing to “Woy the Boy” by 2,038 votes.

Spool back a bit. It is January 2nd 1982; Mise en scene, bathtub in Borders home; me, still a bit hungover; 8:00am BBC Radio 3 News plummy voice; “Sir Tam Galbraith, the Member of Parliament for Glasgow Hillhead, has died at the age of 65. At the last election he held the seat with a majority of 2,002”. The umbilical cord linking an MP to a majority is unbreakable, even at the point of death.

Me, shouting from bath to somnolent wife; “Bloody hell. Tam Galbraith has died. I pity the poor bugger who has to fight that by-election.” Cue hubris. Five weeks later I was the poor bugger.

The Magnificent Seven, The Three Amigos, even if the Independent Group launched this week grow to become The Dirty Dozen, or The Last Supper 13, they will make minimal impact compared with the last party founded on a group of disgruntled serving and former Labour MPs, the SDP.

Launched by the Gang of Four, Roy Jenkins, David Owen, Shirley Williams and Bill Rogers, on 21st March 1981, by the time of Hillhead – a mere year later – the SDP numbered 28 MPs, had scored 50% in a national opinion poll and Shirley Williams had won that Crosby by election from the Tories, nabbing 49% of the vote from a standing start.

The Independent Group – winner of the least inspiring new party name in politics in four centuries – kicks off on 14%. And, it may well have peaked.

The SDP hungrily sought out election opportunities. This lot seems determined to avoid them. There’s not much courage in those Remainer convictions pounding in their chests. When Douglas Carswell abandoned the Tories for UKIP he fought a by election – and won. Mrs. Thatcher would surely call them “frit”.

And then, they are largely personality free. Maybe today that’s de rigueur. Certainly, Theresa May has made it an art form. But I can’t help remembering even the often out of control Bill Rodgers adding an essential frisson of excitement to the SDP’s campaigning machine.

The sight of Bill with a megaphone, atop an open Land Rover, berating a bemused Glasgow wifie in Dumbarton Road for picking up an obviously mouldy cabbage from a street stall – and getting away with it – made it clear. The Tory cause was lost. These people could get away with anything.

Personality matters. Chuka Umunna, the only one of the original seven with an iota of charisma, seems strangely reluctant to step into the limelight. The SDP’s Gang of Four had monster egos and famously fought like cats in a sack, but they had at their command a serious agenda to create a third force in British politics and each was a national figure who could promote it on airwaves and hustings.

Hustings mattered in Hillhead. Election meetings, now abandoned for Twitter feeds, commanded massive audiences. Ted Heath volunteered to come and speak in my support. My campaign advisers went berserk – and on the hunt for one-way tickets to Nizhny Novgorod, to make sure he didn’t turn up. Pal of Roy, you see. Press will have a field day.

I disagreed. Now, here’s a confession. I rather liked grumpy old Ted, who would display his well-known sense of humour about once a decade. It was important to be sure to be around in case you missed it; like Halley’s comet. So, Ted came. Ted behaved. Well, sort of.

At least he told the audience to vote for me. Ted attracted an audience of 1,200. The following weekend the polls (in a short-lived newspaper called the Scottish Sunday Standard) had me 1% in the lead.  Thank you, Ted.

Breaking the mould of British politics is not easy. Ask the Lib Dems who collapsed from 57 to 8 MPs between 2010 and 2015. That was small thanks for taking up the burden of office – which is what it should be all about, isn’t it? Well, clearly not if you don’t want to dirty your clean hands of protest.

In 1983, at a time of third party turbulence, Conservatives and Labour managed to share only 70% of the national vote; but in fractious 2017 they scored 80.5%. The country is restless; we are told ad nauseam traditional parties are about to crumble; the system is broken; that brave new political worlds are ripe for conquering. “Throw the rascals out”. And yet…

Even if they become The Tottering Twenty – those doughty advocates of Remain, or is it anti Semitism, or is it “I never really meant to be a Tory anyway”, maybe perhaps Magic Grandpa was going to deselect me? – the Independence Group will find that surprising 80% two party hegemony nut hard to crack.

Tip of the week. Look out for a new rising star. I spotted him while reminding myself about the few Hillhead details not etched on my heart. I’m talking about the Labour candidate for Hillhead in the 1970 General Election. Vince Cable. Bound to go far.