Energy crisis spells trouble for Boris the clown

In one of the Just William books, William decides that he wants to be King. One of the other outlaws asks him what he will do when this happens. “I’ll rule” came the answer. For William, read Boris, though William, not necessarily an addict of truth in all circumstances, was still significantly more honest than Bojo.

Boris wanted to rule in order to gratify his ego – and then what? He has no grip, no strategy, no moral compass, no principles. From trivial questions of domestic house-keeping to the most important issues of the day, he just makes it up as he goes along. 

His mental processes are unfathomable. The other month, I met an American who spent the final two years of his school education at Eton, and was in the same Latin translation class as Boris. He insisted that Boris’s translation skills were formidable. Although it seems unlikely that he had spent the previous night labouring over his books, he was never at a loss when called upon to perform. In my experience, he is as fast mentally over 50 yards as anyone I know. Thereafter, there is a problem. With every additional 10 yards, he grows slower. Before he reaches 100 yards, he is at walking pace. Fifty yards is not an Olympic distance, and of limited use in politics. One feels that there is a useful intellect somewhere, yet he cannot deploy it. Perhaps there is an explanation: the entire absence of morality or even a smidgeon of principle. This means that he cannot work out what he thinks. “Have cake, eat cake.” But how do you bake the cake in the first place? I suppose that Boris would have an obvious answer. Ask Lord Brownlow to send one round.

I have no wish to disparage his Lordship’s cake larder, but none of this will do. We urgently need a government which can think. On all sides, there are challenges and threats. Once they are surmounted, there may even be opportunities. In the short run, however, we will be fortunate if there is not at least one international crisis this year. The Balkans, Ukraine, the Persian Gulf, Taiwan: any – or indeed all – of them could explode. Admittedly, Boris cannot be blamed for this, yet it would be helpful if we had a British Prime Minister who was taken seriously. That brings us to a point which is far less trivial than it might sound: Boris’s hair. I was talking to a foreign diplomat who asked what Boris meant by looking like a neglected Old English sheep-dog (I supplied the canine image). “We think of you as a proper country which often produces statesmen,” said he: “So why do you tolerate this clown?” There is no obvious answer.

This leads us to an important and related question: energy supplies. Again, Boris is not solely to blame. Successive British governments have failed to think through the UK’s long-term needs, as well as assuming that greenery would provide easy answers. As a result, we are dangerously dependent on gas, at a moment when there could be strategic threats to gas supplies while prices are already rising.

Unless drastic action is taken, this will lead to economic damage, including inflation. It could even lead to unrest. If people find that an incompetent set of ministers led by a prevaricating buffoon seem determined to heap burdens on their bills and generally undermine their living standards, there might be trouble. So the Government should act straight away and lift the green surcharge on energy bills while abolishing VAT on domestic consumption. This would add to the national debt, but by little more than half a percent.

That is a price worth paying.

There are no easy solutions to our current economic problems. We need growth, but cannot afford to neglect inflation, for there is an obvious danger – that we end up with both: stagflation. There is bound to be an inflationary spike. We will have to hope that it is of limited duration.

In all this, there is a crucial factor: animal spirits. Though economic historians can have endless arguments about Mrs Thatcher’s macroeconomic record, one point is surely beyond dispute. She was successful in liberating the animal spirits of the British middle classes and that helped to transform the nation. We now need animal spirits, assisted by post-Brexit deregulation, to stimulate growth by ensuring that increases in the money supply turn into jobs and output rather than into sustained inflation.

One might have thought that Boris would understand animal spirits. Alas, however, he does so purely as a means of his own gratification, not as a crucial component of national well-being. He ought to be announcing that although the long-term targets for green energy are important, shorter-term priorities are more so. We cannot jeopardise the energy economy. But if he were to say that, there might be some domestic climate cooling in Downing St.

That leaves a vital role for Tory MPs. It is hard to overstate the extent to which Boris has forfeited his authority. Many Tory MPs are now willing to wound, yet still unwilling to strike. If tempted by hesitation, they should ask themselves one question. Can Boris recover?

The country desperately needs a PM with probity and intellectual seriousness to provide leadership. Is that Boris? Donnez-moi un break. If the Tory party were to stumble on, black international clouds filling half the horizon, black economic clouds the other, while Tories are spending their time embroiled in wallpaper and No.10 parties, offering no policies, no statesmanship and no vision, they would not only suffer electoral damage. They would deserve to do so.