Dominic Cummings – still jobless – is at it again, sniping from the sidelines to great comic effect.

The latest shot the ex-Svengali has fired at the government reminds the Hound of its teenage owner’s favourite way of killing time – taking online personality quizzes, ranging from “Which Hogwarts house do you belong in?” to “Which Sex and the City character are you?”, and the like. It seems that Cummings remains in this mindset of teenage boredom as he shared what could be a list of all of the possible outcomes of a quiz entitled “Which Tory cabinet hopeful are you?” when describing in a Tweet (what else) the script reshuffle meetings often follow:


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Options begin with “pervert”, file through “drunk”, “moron”, “under investigation by NCA (he doesn’t know)”, “she’s ok but she’s useless”, “dodgy donors”, “dodgepot”, and end on “she’s actually good [laughter]”.

If any prospective Cabinet members are tempted to triangulate which category they might fall into, they could do worse than take the following mini-quiz:

  1. How many drinks do you have at the Strangers Bar on a normal Friday?
    a) None
    b) 1-3
    c) 3-5
    d) 5+
  2. How would your friends describe you?
    a) “nice”
    b) “a laugh”
    c) “мой дорогой британский друг”
    d) I don’t have any friends
  3. Things are getting a little slow in the Commons Chamber. How do you pass some time?
    a) I wasn’t listening in first place and was busy looking at the Hobbs site
    b) Answering emails for my third consulting job
    c) Texting my friend Evgeny Lebedev
    d) Watching a video of some tractors

Equally, the list itself could be a fun way to pass the time at PMQs. If formulated into a grid, there’s almost enough for a bingo sheet.