What kind of hat is that?
Is it a Russian hat, that hat?

So we looked and‎ we stared,
And even compared,
Old Soviet hats on TV.

Never mind that, said the prat in the hat.
‎Your adding to tensions, I fear.
The hat is ‎a hat, I’m clear about that,
‎And that’s all I need you to hear.

The prat in the hat grew grave.
And now he had something to say.

‎Who’s running down Vlad?
He’s really not bad.
Get onto the Kremlin,
Say hi to Lenin.
And tell them to run us a test.

The friends of the prat were bolstered by that.
But you’ve made the hat more Russian, they cried.
The BBC lied. Newsnight’s got to be tried,

Nonsense, said the woman from Newsnight sent to explain.

Nobody altered his hat.

You’re wrong, you’re insane, you’re out of your brain.
It meets all BBC producer guidelines in relation to the production of graphics.

And it is a Lenin cap, for goodness sake.

But you made the hat look more Soviet than that.
Said the friends of the prat in the hat.

I give up said the lady from the BBC.

‎And then what a BANG.
McDonnell and Abbott crashed in,

We’ve got this, they shouted.
We’re on top of the plot.
It might have been Russian, it might have been not.

‎At this the prat in the hat was sent off to his allotment to talk to the vegetables and read his favourite woodcarving magazine. And that was that.

I’ll take it from here, McDonnell declared,

Some voters were suddenly spooked,

This new prat has no hat,
What do we think about that?
Is this prat like the original prat,
Or a more aggressive kind of cat?

Abbott just smirked,‎McDonnell was irked,
And the atmosphere started to chill,

McDonnell was inching, to scoping a lynching,
His voice beginning to roar,

You’re way out of line,
My tricks will be fine,

And then the first prat, the prat in the Lenin hat, magically reappeared with a smile. He won the general election. Seumas Milne was put in charge of GCHQ, MI5 and MI6, John McDonnell became Chancellor of the Exchequer, capital controls had to be introduced, and the British economy collapsed.

The End – of the UK.