“The Count of Montecito: A Tale of Revenge.” This is the War and Peace of misery memoirs. Around the world, its contents have shamed Ukrainian widows, Uyghurs in Chinese camps, Iranian protesters on death row and patients in terminal care hospices into the realisation of how self-indulgent their own concerns are, when compared to the “pain and suffering” endured by this multi-millionaire prince.

The horrors exposed are not for the faint-hearted: when it reaches university libraries, as its woke status demands, there will be a trigger warning on every page. “My brother had a bigger bedroom than mine…” “My stepmother (The Villain) planted stories against me in the press…” “I took psychedelic drugs to see the truth…” “My brother and sister-in-law forced me to wear a Nazi uniform…” And, most heartbreakingly: “He broke my necklace.”